2. My Good Friend, Shanghai Kingstronic, cannot understand why I still work at this dead-end job, when I could be working at home for $4000.00 a month, filling out surveys.
3. Shanghai is also the hook-up for Canadian Cialis, so, should I ever make my penis both exist, and exist big, Shanghai can make sure it is rock hard (for a period of no more than four hours, guaranteed), which Shanghai asserts will "make my lady moan and snnaa great day,ay. He'cream." I think he meant "scream," but maybe not. You'd think I'd know my "Good Friend" better than that, but I am really blanking. To be honest, I don't remember Shanghai at all. Maybe I was drunk when we met, or something. You know how some people think one good conversation means you're best friends, or how when you're drunk, everyone is really interesting and friendly? Maybe it was like that. I feel badly about it now. I clearly also told him that I was a man. I guess we all have a tendency to embellish when we're drunk.
4. Which reminds me, I've been forgetting a lot lately. Apparently, I sent out an entire batch of emails, the subject of which was "hi" and the body of which is a complicated macro thing, the intent of which is to show the user some kind of optical trick. You send the email to 10 people, then click on the macro, and a picture of someone from your graduating class is supposed to appear in a pop-up box. I never got to see the whole message, though, because my computer began singing "Fur Elise" over and over, which ultimately melted the hard drive. Incidentally, I don't remember installing "Fur Elise" on my computer, either, nor playing it on repeat for 6.75 hours. That made the people in the cubes around me really, really grumpy after a while. I understand. It's a pretty song at first, though.
5. For whatever reason, every single email I send out about maximizing your computer performance bounces back to me. I have about 200 messages from the MAILER-DAEMON every day, apologetically letting me know that my message has permanent, fatal errors. Tell me about it! I have utterly no idea how to maximize anyone's computer performance! If I can't even remember sending the emails, I'm obviously the wrong person to ask. I really hope none of those emails made it through. I'd have to just make something up. Which ought to be pretty easy, since I convinced Shanghai I was a man.
6. I had no idea there was a furious civil war in Morbesia. To be honest, I didn't know Morbesia was even part of Andromeda, which is apparently one of the new eastern-European states formed by the Bosnian conflict. It makes me really sad to hear that region is in turmoil again. I am seriously considering laundering some money for their Prime Minister, Akkesaili Xiximova. C could really use $35,676,792 Dubnooks. Which is, like, two hundred bucks U.S. I'd probably do it if they weren't going to pay me a dime, though. I believe in freedom.
7. I am thinking I'll use that $200 to invest in Google. You get an interactive CD that, if the picture in the email is accurate, I can watch while having foamy sex in the bath with my handsome, muscular lover. Who is also a man.
8. I have won the New Hampshire lottery six times this month alone, but there is something wrong with my bank account information, and they haven't been able to transfer any of the $15,000 total in there. Which is starting to really bum me out, since somebody got their hands on my account information, and stole the $437 I had in there, so I could really use the cash.
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